leggere tra le righe.

toc toc. there is this handsomeguy-who is told to be my boyfriend-who makes me wake up with a smile. who makes mefeel lucky every time he looks at me. too god to be true? nooo just-simply-amazingly fantastic.

i just wanna punch ur face. no my face. no ur face. fecking faces.
fecking unsatisfaction. fecking life. i just wanna understand me. i guess is impossible now, too many hormons r floating in my body. sometimes i hate being a woman. no i don't. but hell, i do hate my period. i do hate feeling like this for a bunch of crazy instable hormons. i do hate feeling so crusty.
man, really? r we really still here? where i have to go and come?? where i have to play this game? man is nerve-wracking. i just wanna go to sleep. i just wanna sleep deep. don't think about anything.
don't think about the lies. don't think about the situations. don't think that giving ur heart sometimes bring u down.
don't wanna think the same shit again. don't wanna think that in less than a month i m gonna be thrown in the world of shit that i worked so hard to leave behind.
i don't wanna have doubts. don't wanna have doubts about people. about u.
don't wanna think. it s always harmful. and dangerous.
u can t consider anybody urs. in that moment u fell in such a lot of mistakes that god only knows.
don t wanna think how screw i am. don t wanna live lies. and so far, here i am.
me and my fecking doubts. me and my fecking questions.
what am i asking u? nothing. just be urself. and if this turn up to be what i don't like, what i m working hard to find out if it s true or not and confirm what i really really don t like.
well, sorry. sorry little girl, this is life.
no fairy tales.u r too grown u for them. aaah c'mon. seriously? that s what life reserve for u?
bitter. bitter as the shit pain that i have all over my body. i just wanna get stoned and don't think. don't think for the rest of my days.
because i don't wanna hear miserable stories again. i don t wanna crash into a wall that i already know. 
i m awake but i m in another world. i m here but somewhere else.
i'm disappointed. and tired. tired of haing to find out the truth. tired of having to read between the lines.
maybe because i m still too pure to this kind of game.
if u give me the reasons to dubitate of u, then i will feel excused for the shit i do.
and i don t wanna make it works this way.
i m growing seeing a reality i don't like. i'm having my skin burned.
i wanna find the purity and keep it for myself. the greatest problem is that i should end up marrying a two-year-old child. i don t know if it s possible.